Mega Slim

Man, 48 years old from Compton & long beach, United States

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Signed up: September 9th, 2012 (584 days ago)

Last activity: today

Profile hits: 5,244

I'm:Man

Age:48 years old

Country:United States

Region:California

City:Compton & long beach

Website:http://www.reverbnation.com/megaslimmusic

Interests: Mature

About me:

Name: Sean
Race: To the finish
Sign: Pisces
Eye color: Dark
Skin color: Darker
Hieght: 6ft5
Weight: 205
Shirt: 3XL
Pants: 38/34
Shoes: 13"
Situation: Stable
Relationship: May vary
Personality: One of a kind
Language: Subject to change
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Q: Do you like sexting ?

The phenomenon witch can be described as “sending sexually explicit photos by cell phone.”

In the modern days people referred to it as “phone sex.”

The word itself is composed of two separate words “sex” and “texting” which is combined together to create the basic meaning.

It became very popular in the early 2000’s when teens started purchasing camera phones.

It was originally used as a form of communication for couples that were in long distance relationships.

“Talking dirty” and sending both nude and semi-nude photos were used to help your relationship last and add “spice.”

In 2012 the Canadian Living Sex Survey stated that 36% of people have sent sexy videos or photos to their partner before, which is a 30% increase from the previous year.

Although sexting is done by different age groups, most individuals are exposed to the phenomena during the early teen stages.

Sexting attracts most teenagers because they are innocent and curious about sex and sexuality.

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Listen up, gentlemen.

It’s time to start pleasing your ladies.

A recent study from Indiana University found that 85% of men said that their partner had an orgasm when they had sex while only 64% of women said that they themselves got one off.

Bottom line: while you think you might be pleasing her, more often than not, you’re missing the mark.

“Women know that most guys want them to reach O-land, and they don't want to disappoint,” says Dorian Solot, a sex educator and co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide.

“So all too often, women fake orgasms, or just let their partner assume they had one.”

If you want to guarantee the real deal, stick to these easy positions that will work every time.


1. Missionary
According to sex experts, women get the most pleasure out of basic missionary sex. “Interestingly, when we surveyed women, good old-fashioned missionary position was the overall favorite. There's nothing fancy about it, but women said they loved the closeness and the intimacy of having their partner's weight on them,” says Solot. But in order for position to be most effective, Los Angeles-based sex expert and radio host Lora Somoza says to make sure you’re entering her at the correct angle. “By going in diagonally—rather than straight in and out—there’s more friction for clitorial stimulation, which is best, since that’s how most women achieve orgasm.”

2. Reverse Cowgirl
In this position, the man is either lying down or in a sitting position, and the female straddles him backwards — facing his feet instead of his face. It’s a key position that also allows easy access to the clitoris, says sexologist and sexuality educator Megan Andelloux. “Because of the easier clitoral access, this position is the one that is most likely to facilitate an orgasm because direct clitoral stimulation is easy to engage in.”

3. Doggie Style
Doggie style is a great position for the woman because it allows her to have optimal control. “She is able to adjust her range of motion for an angle that feels best,” says Amy Levine, a sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. “He can likely stimulate her G-spot and have access to her clitoris with his hand, her hand or a toy, like a small bullet-shaped vibrator.” Sexologist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. also stresses the importance of clitoral stimulation while in the doggie style position. “She will rarely have an orgasm if you’re not doing something manually in front at the same time,” she says.

4. Girl on Top
Another position that allows her to have the most control of her orgasm is when she’s the one on top, facing forward. But Somoza explains that it still needs to be a joint effort. “You can help her by moving her hips up and down. It’s a communication thing,” she says. Levine adds that when the woman is on top, “she’s in control of the depth and motion, as well as having easy access to her clitoris for pleasure.”

5. Spooning
If your lady doesn’t prefer deep penetration, Andelloux suggests spooning. It’s also good “if you’re into lazy morning Sunday sex playtime. It concentrates on stimulation of the front portion of the vagina or rectum, which is where the most nerves are located in the genitals.” Andelloux explains that spooning is pleasurable because it creates a tighter fit in the vagina and rectum, so if a woman is looking for more stimulation from her partner’s fingers or penis... spoon away.

6. Crisscross
According to Marshall Miller, a sex educator and co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide, this is another great position for clitoral stimulation. “Both partners are lying down. The woman is on her back and the guy is on his side. She has her legs draped over his middle like a giant X,” he says. “Since your bodies aren't squished against each other, either you or she can reach down to rub her clitoris, what most women need to reach the Big O.”

Sex is really not that complicated, and many attempts from so-called “sexperts” to “spice it up” with a variety of positions end up making things overly complex.

Now, men are in no position (pun intended) to complain, and there really aren’t any sex positions that we won’t appreciate.

It’s like going to the Super Bowl: We’re happy to be there; we’re not going to complain about the tickets.

I’m just saying that basic sex positions are by no means boring.

There’s a reason that the “odd” positions aren’t the most popular — they can sometimes be dangerous, uncomfortable or, in rare occasions, life-threatening.

We’ll still love it, though

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There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where only one of you enjoys sex.

99 times out of 100 men will reach orgasm during sex, while females won't be nearly as likely to orgasm :(

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

I never quite figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I never quite figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

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All boys bodies go through changes as they get older and enter puberty.

If it is possible, you should allow the boy's father, uncle or another trusted male figure to talk to him.

Don't wait for your son's school to tell him...

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. Take off her pants & blouse, slip up yo trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

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One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"

So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"

Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said

"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!

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Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

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Q: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

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A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "

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There once was three guys who didn't have any money. or any food.

They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satiafied.

One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"

They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered .

They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .

The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.

She took him into her barn and said to get started.

He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.

Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started fucking her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started fucking her with that one.

Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .

The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.

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Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland ..
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. !
The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"
"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."
The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn,! and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed. The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!" "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"
The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"

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There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex lately so the man went to a doctor and told him about thier problems and the doctor perscribed a pill for the man to take. The doctor warned thought that if the man took more than one pill the side effects could be damaging.
The man made sure to take only one pill and he had the best sex of his life! He went back to the doctor and told him the good news. The doctor said that it was great but warned to take only one pill. He started to worry after a week and a half had gone by and he hadn't heard from the man so he decided to go and make a house call.
When he got to the house he saw the man's son on the front porch and noticed he was crying. The doctor asked why he was crying and the boy replied, "Mommy is dead, my sister is pregnant, my butt hurts, and daddy is running aroung the house calling, here kitty, kitty, kitty!"

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A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and the girl was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, the girl's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, the girl told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

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An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, EVER have sex again - the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.
This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs - she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

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A guy and a girl go on a date and are parked on a back road some distance from town. Things are getting hot and heavy when she stops him.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $80 for sex," she says.
He stares at her for a couple of seconds, shrugs, gives her four twenties and goes for it. Later, he's smoking a cigarette and looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" she asks. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $100."

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There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgious women.

Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.

The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.

The chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the chinese guy goes "Me chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"

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An elderly married couple scheduled their medical examination on the same day so that they could answer any questions the doctor might have concerning their partner.
After the husband's exam, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern that you would like to ask me?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly." The doctor said that he would examine the wife, and then report back to the man. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old nut", she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

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25 Signs that you've grown up

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

You watch the Weather Channel.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you!!!

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Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head

Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee

It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly

But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees

You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through

Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl

Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run

Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar

And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat

Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough

Let's switch you say, before you gag
And whats your revenge, your on the rag.

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This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor.

"Doctor I think I have the crabs."

"When was the last time you had sex?" The doctor asks.

"I have never had sex. I'm still a virgin." she replied.

The doctor thought this was very strange so he told her to get on the table and he would examine her.

After the examination he said, "I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have the crabs. The bad news is you've got fruit flies."

"Fruit flies?" asks granny.

"Yeah," says the doctor. "Your cherry rotted."

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This couple comes to a new town and the guy gets a job at the local pickle factory. A few years go by and each year he wins the employee of the year award. One day in the 3rd year, he comes home looking all depressed.

His wife asks him what the matter is, to which he responds that he got fired.

"FIRED?!? How can you get fired, you're always employee of the year!!" she asked, stunned.

To this he responds that he had another fantasy that he needed to fulfill and it got him fired...

"Oh no, not again...What did you do this time?" she asks.

Well, I always fantasized about sticking my willy in the pickle slicer.

"You didn't!" she hoped.

He blushed and replied, "Well, yes I did."

Then she asks, "Did it hurt?"

"No no really," answers the man.

Puzzled she then asks, "Well what happened to the pickle slicer??"

He answers, "Oh, *she* got fired too!"

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, and a masochist were all sitting together on a park bench.

The sadist said "hey, I got an idea. Why don't we get a cat and torture it?"

The rapist replied "yeah, we can torture it and have sex with it after!"

The murder enthusiastically chimed in "and then we kill the thing!"

And the necrophiliac added "yeah, and then we can have sex with it again after it's dead!"

They all nod in agreement, and then turn to the masochist, who looked at them all and said "Meow."

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Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

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A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office one day and the doctor is bowled over by her stunningly good looks and all his professionalism goes right out the window...He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs."Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I'm here!"

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Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr.Smith's erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith's love canal.
A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. "Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you." they said. The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said "You helped the Smiths, why won't you help us?" After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said "ok, ok ... stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges."

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One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

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Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."

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Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

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When a woman places an ad in the newspaper: "Looking for a man with 3 qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me & is great in bed." 2 days later her doorbell rings. "Hi," her visitor announces. "I have no arms so I won’t beat you & no legs so I won't run away." "What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman asks. He replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I ?

₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪

A man comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man, and asks "What is this?!" The wife turns to her lover and says "See, I told you he was stupid."

₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪

Q: What’s better than roses on your piano?

A: Tulips on your organ.



Q: What do you call men who use the pull out method ?

A: Fathers

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

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Q:What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?

A:They are both used as substitute meat.

Q:Do you like sexual activities involving doggy style on the wall on the floor in the pool in the park on the train on the roof in the rain ?

Q:Would you like me to stimulate your vagina, clitoris, labia and all other female sex organs by the the use of my mouth, tongue, teeth, or penis ?

Q:Do you like Manual sex ?

Manual sex is sexual activity done with the hands. It's called that because the things we do with our hands are manual (the latin word for hands is manus). So, if someone is stimulating someone else's genitals with their hands -- a lot of people call doing that for or to women "fingering," and doing it for or to men a "hand job," -- that's manual sex. You might also hear it called "digital sex," not because there are computers involved, but because "digital" is another word which expresses something done with the hands or fingers (as they are digits). Anal sex is any kind of sex which involves a person's anus or rectum (their butt). That can be oral sex, manual sex, or it can also be anal intercourse, with either a penis or a sex toy. When most teens are asking about anal sex, they are most often asking about anal intercourse, even though that's not the only kind of anal sex, and anal sex for many people doesn't feel very good without other kinds of anal sex done first. All of these activities are very common sexual activities which many people of all sexes and genders do and enjoy. Just like with intercourse, none of them are required, and how much people do or don't like them, and if someone does or doesn't want to do them is going to depend on the person. Too, just like with vaginal intercourse, all of these activities have the possibility of both negative and positive consequences; of both possible negative and positive risks. While only vaginal or anal intercourse between opposite-sex partners can create a possible pregnancy risk, all of these kinds of sex carry possible risks of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). So, if you want to know how to do any of them safely, take a look at this: Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To. Just in case you're asking this because you've found yourself in a situation where someone is asking you if you want to do something, but you've found you don't know what they're asking you to do, please know that it is always okay to ask that person what they mean. After all, if we can't even talk about sex comfortably with someone, or be honest about our level of knowledge and experience, then it's safe to say we probably shouldn't be having any kind of sex with that person. being able to talk about this stuff with a potential partner and freely ask questions when we have them is ground zero when it comes to being ready for any kind of sex.

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